Even If Not

Even if not.

Those words have resonated with me from the day I heard them.

Many people have asked about the quotes and pictures I’ve been sharing on facebook about Kaitlyn Bouchillon’s book, Even if Not. A few have even asked if I wrote this book. My answer is, “No, I didn’t write it, but I feel like I could have.” Kaitylyn’s words resonate so well with me because, even though I enjoy writing, I don’t always feel like I’m able to articulate and put into words my exact and complete thoughts – either that, or I don’t feel like what I say makes any sense. I often tell my husband, “it makes sense in my head,” to which he shakes his head and laughs.

I met Kaitlyn in August 2015, at the Declare Conference, a Christian blogging conference in Dallas, Texas. I had shared Josiah’s story with a mutual friend and she told me, “You have to meet Kaitlyn and hear her story.” So we all went to dinner that evening and shared our stories.  Visit her blog, kaitlynbouchillon.com and you can “meet” her too!

In my journey as a brain tumor mom, I have met and/or heard about many others in similar situations as Josiah. Some better off, many much worse, and a few with miracle stories. I’ve read many caring bridge journals, and many of those accounts are no longer active; because their children are no longer here. I’ve joined facebook groups with people from around the world whose children have brain tumors. We’ve heard each others stories and can resonate with them, because we’ve lived them. It’s a community that no one wants to be a part of, yet glad to have someone who knows, who understands what it is like to be the parent of a child with a brain tumor.

As I sat and listened to Kaitlyn share her own story of her brain tumor that August evening, I immediately connected. I could identify with her terminology of surgeries and MRIs, as well as with the emotions that go along with such a diagnosis and road to follow. Those things are what drew me to Kaitlyn’s story, but there was something different about her story, a connection that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere. This connection was found in her deep and authentic love of a God who is in control and author of her life. She doesn’t just SAY she believes it, she LIVES it.

My family has lived through the Even if Not. We’ve accepted the Even if Not. I wrote about that in my Reflections of the Last Three Years series, in God’s Peace. We knew that God could bring our 10 month old Josiah through brain surgery. We also knew that God could take him home during that same brain surgery. We were prepared for both.

My favorite quote from Kaitlyn comes from the introduction of her book. “God will come through, I promise you that. But you and I both know it deep down in our souls, whether we’re ready to admit it or not: God is going to come through but it might not look like what we’re hoping for.”

THAT. That is how I felt from day one of Josiah’s diagnosis. I attempted a whole blog post (God’s Peace) in September, and in December I read the INTRODUCTION of Kaitlyn’s book and she sums it up in two sentences! TWO! I love it!

Now, before you think that because you’ve not experienced anything as drastic as a brain tumor that this book isn’t for you – WAIT! Because it is. A brain tumor is only a small part of Kaitlyn’s story filled with ups and downs, community and loneliness, sickness and healing, and much, much more. That’s just specifically the segment of her life that I can identify most with, so that’s what I wrote about. I’m positive you’ll find hope, comfort and encouragement in your own walk with God as you read her words. You can find out more about the book at http://kaitlynbouchillon.com/even-if-not/. I’ve just read the few chapters that were provided, and cannot wait for the day the actual book arrives in the mail. *warning to my family; you may not see me for a few hours after that moment!*

The book has released and you can order at Amazon today!