Everyone has a story.
There is freedom in telling that story. Freedom that allows one to be open and honest and completely real with what is going on in their lives.
Little did I know that after Josiah was diagnosed on a Thursday afternoon, I would soon find freedom in sharing our story on a daily basis.
I particularly remember the Sunday after diagnosis. I absolutely dreaded going to church. We were asked to attend both services so the elders and deacons could pray over Josiah. I had cried enough in my home throughout the weekend. I was cried out. There were no words to be said, because, really, what do you say? Going into a church building full of people, where I felt like I would be in the spotlight, was almost more than I could handle.
But I went anyway. And there were tears. And hugs. And more tears.
I cried during the worship service. I don’t remember much from the service; except one song that was sang, called “The Greatness of our God.” I tried to sing, but I couldn’t utter the words. I leaned on Nathan’s shoulder, unable to hold back the tears. My heart would sing for me.
The words “take what I have known and break it all apart” were too much; too real. At that point, all I knew WAS breaking apart. My cousin was dying of brain cancer, and my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
“Give me grace to see beyond this moment here; to believe that I have nothing left to fear. That you my God are greater still.” I knew the words were true; that didn’t make them easy. How was I not supposed to fear when my youngest would have brain surgery in three days? I didn’t know if he would survive, and didn’t know if I would be planning a funeral in four days. I couldn’t hold it together.
I cried during the sermon. I cried when we went forward at the end of each service. I cried as we were prayed for. I cried as individuals came forward to let us know they were praying and to give us hugs. And as I shared and cried with those who loved me, a weight was lifted. It didn’t matter who was looking. Sharing our story gave me immediate freedom. Freedom to be me. Freedom to be real. Freedom to cry and show that I cannot do this by myself. Freedom in being able to fully rely on God, who has been faithful, and will continue to be faithful.
In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. (Psalm 118:5)
And now, 21 months later, the freedom that came when sharing that Josiah had completed his chemotherapy was even sweeter – because I had been free to share the story with so many.
Freedom that came simply by sharing my heart – my story.
And I thank God for setting me free.
*Above lyrics quoted from “The Greatness of our God” by Hillsong
Amazing testimony, Amy. I, too, cried my way through your post. I am so grateful to have come to know you better during this journey. You are truly one of the strongest most patient most God-fearing women I know and it is a privilege to not only hear but to be a part of your story. I am blessed to call you friend. Love you!
I’m blessed to call you friend! Thanks for encouraging me in my writing and pushing me this direction!
I’m a fellow crier, Amy, so I’m sure I would have cried right along with you that day. Thanks for your willingness to share your story — I’ll take honest tears over a fake stiff upper lip any day. 🙂 Blessings to you on your journey.
(I’m stopping by from the incourage linkup.)
Thank you Kristin! This was my first link up ever! Looking forward to doing more and getting involved in the writing community–as time allows! 🙂
Amy what an awesome testimony that you have shared. I have followed your journey and prayed for Josiah and your family. We serve a great God. May God bless all of you.
Thank you Judy for your prayers! We do serve a great God!
How blessed we are by your testimony. God has given you such a precious gift in Josiah. Difficult, but precious! One of my best friends had a very severely handicapped son for 25 years. When he passed away this past Dec. His mom said, “He was a gift!” and to watch them with him, their testimony was profound and beautiful, even though very hard. Her husband said at that time, “But not everyone chose to unwrap it.” Again profound thoughts from people who had lived with 24/7 unwrapping that gift every day. I see that same thing in your lives and God is gloried! That is what Jim shared at his funeral service – God was glorified as they raised this young man and I know He will continue to be glorified as you raise Josiah!!!! May God continue to bless your lives. Love you all!
Josiah is definitely a gift! I love that perspective. Thanks for sharing!
Amy,
Your openness and your story brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Kelly!
Amy your blog made me cry. I appreciate what I’ve learned from you in the short time of knowing you. You have encouraged and challenged me. Thanks.
Thanks Julie! I’m glad that our journey has been an encouragement to you.
Amy, your willingness to share the depth of your feelings is an encouragement to the rest of us who doubt, fear, and cry in the brokenness of life. Thank you for sharing your story and your gift with words here. AND praise God that your son’s chemo is finished!
Thanks Karen! I’m glad that we are able to find a way that God can and will be glorified through such a horrible situation. He has been good to us!